multiple mental orgasm

2008-09-30T18:14:00.000-07:00

just turned 17!

...last 09-23!

It's for real - just one more year and i'm legal! I could vote and go to jail! How cool is that? HAHA!

Some pictures - school, caira's dorm, tapsi, bed space greenbelt ;-)

TYSM to those who sent their greetings! Yknow who you are!

Sensible posts coming soon...

an excuse and some short storie

2008-07-20T03:41:00.000-07:00

an excuse and some short stories

Hey guys! I know I have been MIA for more than a month(like 6 weeks, i think?) because the last days of vacation were very much savored through bed-bumming and endless net surfing which seem like the best things in life ever AND since school has started, I have been busy with trying to push into my mind the idea that school is back and comfort days are going to fade away. OA ba?

But seriously, on my 1st week in school, I feel like I'm floating and not existing because the idea of being back to school hasn't sunk in yet. Good thing, my mom accompanied me in my first week. With her, I was able to survive. Hahaha!
The 1st three weeks, I wasn't alone in going home to Batangas and going back to reality because Mom used to ferry me(What words!) But the succeeding weeks, I was ALOOONE in going home and going back. Jesus, I'm a big girl now!!! That's a huge deal already because I don't know a thing about commuting in the metro(actually I just ride a cab and van and that's it hehe)

College life is indeed a lot of fun. I haven't experienced the dark part of it, so far. Thank you God. It's like highschool, only better. But bad also in the sense that we are only entitled to 11 absences or we fail. SIGH! hahaha.

Tomorrow, before I leave, I will demand a raise because even if my mom is complaining about my allowance, I really find it hard to spend it wisely because when you've got lots of delish foods and restos around, plus a mall 5 mins away, you are bound to get short. Normally, by Thursday, I have no more money left and it's the day I turn to the ATM machine. Bless me God and decrease my appetite. Seriously.

Ok, Anyway, let me share some pictures with my new-found friends. :)

outside 417

@ sicillian

caira, regine, brenda

before the Walk
Alwin, Caira, Zeinith, Me, Regine, Ian, Liezel, Mellisa and Yza

Caira and her Conscience

Brenda & Matt at the field

Api, Mhyco and Me before the mass

Me and Ian

These photos are from the Thomasian Welcome Walk. More are in my multiply and friendster account.

Right now, I can honestly say that I am welcome and at home in UST.

"for special effects"

"blowing" and "horny" before the walk!

Let's go YELLOW!

2008-05-29T22:51:00.000-07:00

kabog!

"Tama ang kanta.
Sana nga ay dalawa ang puso ng tao upang ang isa ay para mahalin ang sarili niya."
- Brenda Coronel

2008-05-20T05:19:00.000-07:00

a tension attention

I never thought I will be getting visitors outside RP. I know you just accidentally got here and you probably have no plans of returning because this blog is pretty loser in its own right but thank you! The man from Croatia is my first ever international visitor. He never came back though. Hahaha! But seriously, every country and dot I see in my feedjit widgets make me so happy. I feel like this blog really exists and even if only few people comments on my posts, I know someone at least checks this. I'm happy with that. Thank you!!!

And to folks here in RP but outside my city, thank you also!

You cheer me up with your visits. I am mababaw that way. Teehee!

And before I miss this one,I would like to tell sana that the posts I 'deleted'(which I actually just saved as drafts so they won't show) before as part of my starting over plan were back. I realized my new posts are still the same old crappy and self-centered shit they used to be so I brought them back. And I published some posts(stories) which were not yet finished(more pa sana) and therefore saved as drafts and then later on forgotten. There is also this open letter to a special someone which I wrote with all my heart that I published after months of being kept and burried. Going through my posts made me remember some moments of my life which I forgot already. I am happy that painful issues were settled and it's all good.

Btw, Use the archive to navigate(case you'd like to check the resurrected posts).
O siya, maki-chika na. Go!

crush confessions series

I discovered the world of 'crushing' when I was 3. Thanks to my flirtacious aunt, Gizelle, who always tease me with guys she thinks are cute.

So you can just imagine how LOOOOOONG the list had become after 13 years. Worry no more because I will supplement your curiosity with their names and pictures. I will state why the lucky folks are on my list and I will as well rate them with yellow stars.

Weeee, this is soooo eggziting! Hahaha!

In the meantime, I will leave you with one line that suits this project perfectly...

To each his own.

2008-05-14T09:33:00.000-07:00

OL world is XS

As I was browsing through a certain multiply shop, I saw these really cute racerbacks but they are freaking sold out so I thought of searching. I typed 'racerbacks' in the multiply search field and lo and behold.....this is the topmost result!

kind of blurry so I hope your vision ain't blurry as well

jem/brenda? spells and sounds freaking familiar. Ok, so that's my ex's nick and my name! Now, that's one heck of a coincidence. Seriously. Like how many times in your life are you going to see such thing pop in front of you? And that queenbee username just so happens to be my title! This is fetch because it happened(Remember Regina George's line "Stop talking about fetch because it's not gonna happen" or something like that). Hahaha

But seriously, I don't really mean to drag him into this crazy blog because it's been 4 years and we both have our own lives now. I respect him. I know he is on the pursuit of his own happiness and I'm wishing him all the best. He deserves to be free from all shit most specially those that involves me so I would like to clarify that I'm not trying to get his attention hence the space in this blog. I just thought of sharing what I found simply because I am mangyan that way.

2008-05-08T09:12:00.000-07:00

the world must shut up

I am honestly sick and tired of arguing. I know I can compete in a word war but something holds me back from putting more fuel to the fire just to prove that I am not alone to blame or merely just for the heck of it. I guess I have outgrew those immature acts of ranting. And with this comes the realization that unleashing my inner beast to face another beast is not the right way to smooth things out. It will just get worse, stressful, and violent.

That's not what I need and want. Because to tell you frankly, I just need and want silence and if I had to get on my knees and beg for it, I will...just so the world can free me from negative vibes enveloping me. It gets so insane trying to stabilize my inner peace by ignoring the rest of the world.

So I just sincerely wish that I will one day get my share of peace and happiness without giving up love. And I hope for respect from people. I love sharing my life but I reserve the right to keep some things to myself. It isn't a total open book. I now have my borders to keep me from abuse which I have gone through before. I have learned. I have brains which I intend to use. And I hope they wish to do so too. Besides, I don't think it is that hard to get a life and give me space like if they have been bugging me about something I really don't want to talk about, they will shut up, understand, and take it neutrally. No more speculations to be made and added. And if I act non-existent in the course of a fight or argument, I hope they will at least pause for a while, think, and come to realize that they should stop attacking me with their irrational bullets because my hands are up...with a white flag.

2008-05-07T10:54:00.000-07:00

a surprise for mom

I said on my last post that my brother and I were joining my mom for her fave band's gig but it turned out that mom is in MNL for something. So apparently, the plan was a flop.

BUT 4 days later, at the day of my enrollment, we went to SM San Lazaro(which was the nearest) to have lunch. Mom went to Mr. Quickie 'cause she was dying to have her old dkny bag fixed. Tita Arlene and I left her and went upstairs. I saw the flats I've been dying to have since March and it was on sale. Gee, it was my lucky day. I bought it right away! I got kinda tempted to buy another pair in brown but successfully get hold of my impulsive self because there are more stores outside. Hahaha.

We were roaming and checking out stores when Mom called and said she's having lunch na. We went downstairs and ordered our own food. While we were waiting for our order, she said she'll go to the supermarket(she has an addiction in doing grocery. she does this in any mall she goes to!) We let her go since she's through eating and we wouldn't want her to wait for us. We finished our meal in shortly 10 minutes so we thought she's not done inspecting shelves yet so we went upstairs and shopped.

After Tomato, we walked and passed by a gift shop. I thought of entering since there are lots of cute items there. I got some keychains, toy rats and poo(hahaha i know it's yucky) then I checked the stuff toys because I want to pinch something soft. Hahaha. And I saw this meek-looking puppy with a red ribbon. Ting! Bulb on top of head! And I remembered I don't have a gift for Mom. So I got it and gave it to the SA for her to put on a red paper bag, which is my choice of color.

I checked my phone and saw a number of missed calls and messages. Mom was done and she was dying to go. We used the ladder to go down and avoided her so she won't see my surprise. I even wrote a greeting while walking which is why my handwriting is worse than the usual bad. Hahaha. We headed directly to the parking lot and told her to follow us there. I placed the paper bag on top of the compartment and we hid in front of someone's car. She took so long so I told Tita Arlene to stop hiding but she said we just have to wait. So, Ok, we waited for her to pass through the exit before we hid again. We were laughing because we don't want to get caught before Mom realizes the surprise. When she got there, she was looking for us and looking at the bag strangely. She thought it was someone's else. We showed up and I said it was my gift to her. She was happy and even said that my brother will be jealous because he doesn't have a gift. I was shy because I'm not really showy to her. But anyway, it was a success. And though the gift cost me a significant amount of money considering it's vacation and money is steep, looking at her reaction and making her feel special gave me the high more than buying a new pair of shoes can. It was priceless.

His name is Dinnoe. You'll see the pup in my mom's car.
But yesterday, Mom and I are about to go to SM for dinner. When she got off her car to ask my brother if he will come with us, I stole the moment and put him on my lap because I want him to meet his original mom, and that's me! hehehe

"Mama I'm hungry. I want milk"

The bum puppy loves to relax like this.

Like the sender.
And also the receiver! Hehehe

So as they always say,

"Whatever the celebration, It's more beautiful with a red ribbon."

♥

2008-04-18T01:39:00.000-07:00

it's my MA's bday!

I have been trying to push myself to make an update but I always fail.
And now, dizzizzit! I'm opening my blogger account again for a short greeting!

So let's get it straight - - - Happy Birthday Mama!

You weren't here anymore when I woke up and I'm quite shy to greet you through sms (and what more personally) so I'm taking it to this blog. Shame on me because I don't even have a simple token. But Bernn suggested yesterday that we join you in watching your favorite band tonight. It's our gift for you daw. Sweet? We love you eh. ♥

2008-03-28T04:22:00.000-07:00

AAAAAAHHHHHH

my brain is on a thought overload.

how do i pour? where do i start?

2008-03-15T07:26:00.000-07:00

the smooth ride

Yesterday, I commuted and found the mother of a past love riding the same jeep.
She asked me if I am Brenda and I said yes and smiled.
We had a good conversation about his son and school.
She even paid for my fare.
Then she bid goodbye before she left.
It felt so light because I believed she doesn't like me before(which was more than 4 years ago).
I just hope she did not notice my long nails and frosty polish.

2008-03-07T03:28:00.000-08:00

friendster 101

Right now, I'm having second thoughts on who my REAL friends are.
Thank God, I know a few. (And they know who they are)

The rest---I don't want to even think about them. I guess they're just here for the laughs and all the good times.

But I want friends with whom I can be with in deep shit.
Friends who accept me for who I am and what I do.
Friends who are willing to stay with me in times of darkness.
Friends who won't leave just because they heard this and that without even confronting me about it.
Friends who won't judge and think of me this and that way just because.
Friends who will fight for me even if I am a war freak myself.
Friends who will join or support me in everything I want to do.
Friends who wish me all the best.

I need and want friends who are not guilty of the opposite of what I have mentioned above.

I typed all these randomly so you know that this came out sincerely.
And honestly, I am now more than willing to lose all these fake and shallow friendships. I realized I don't need them and that they are just a waste of effort and emotions. I have also realized that I deserve more than just that, that I can be truly happy alone with my few true friends, and that I am too loving and real for these fakers to deserve me.

Now, ask yourself, "Am I a real friend or I could've been better off as an acquaintance?"

2008-02-21T04:19:00.000-08:00

procrastination is my favorite sin.

^ above is my title and post. hahaha.

Tomorrow is the last day of draft-cheking for our term papers. And I haven't started yet. Not even a single sentence. Ironic how I can help Roselle with hers but not even just a construction of a good starter for my own intro. Boohoo.

And tomorrow is also the deadline of my Filipino journal and some clay orders. HAY!

And tomorrow, we have wholeday classes. Of course, I will try my best not to make an absence because tomorrow is the last day of my Accounting and Computer classes. YAY! (So happy that I can finally be free from the 1-hr stress of financial statements! Nyahaha.)

Hay nako. I told myself I will start working at 8pm and it's 8:30 and I'm still in the mood for multiply-hopping!

Did you notice I used tomorrow for 4 times already? Hahaha! That's how big tomorrow is. 5th!
Hahaha, stupid post again. Ok, bye!

2008-02-09T05:57:00.000-08:00

confession of the day

My mom has been nagging me to seek psychological advice.
(But I better go to rehab and not in any psychological clinic)

What do you think?

2008-02-04T06:54:00.000-08:00

Yay for yesterday!

Yesterday was crazy. Don't ask why. Haha.
I took pictures but I won't be sharing them so as to protect some names and faces.

2008-01-26T19:07:00.000-08:00

the student-teacher thingy is a success and/or disaster

Pros:

I get to go to school at 11 am even if I am supposed to have wholeday classes which means that I should be there at 7!

I can go home at 3:20!

credits. additional grades?

I can somehow make my momma proud. hahaha!

I asked for an incentive to papa. I asked for money and he said "ok noted. I informed glenda" whoo!

I get to wear decent clothes!

Cons:

I had to buy decent clothes and match with stilettos.

since I am a teacher, I can't attend my other classes which means that I missed lessons and quizzes!

unhappy feet. i swear, it cried! i have blisters now because my shoes are uber pointed. they almost died. i almost died. when I arrived at home, i immediately stepped on my Havaianas Surf - - my most comfortable pair! and my feet felt alive again! alive and kicking! hahaha!

I had to do lesson plans, visual aids, and quizzes. I all did these in the car. Hahaha!

Giving quizzes! God, they write so slow. it's like they're writing an essay. I want to say number 1 and after 5 seconds, proceed to number 2. but i understand that they write legibly that's why it took them so long. this does not apply to me.

Is it obvious that I'm a lazy blogger? hence, the bulleted post. Haha, i love bullets!

In general, I loved that experience. It was fun speaking in front of people. I just don't like the shoes part. Hahaha.

Anyway, let me thank Ma'am Cipriano, Bianca, Compassion and Obedience for making this task a breeze and a happy experience! Thank you so much!

Students, you deserved the high scores in my quiz. Hehehe. You don't need leakage! You're all smart cookies! Yay!

BBB!

i received my package yesterday! I was actually on the verge of sleeping when my brother entered my room and told me that my package arrived. I rose immediately and grabbed a towel to cover myself because I am not wearing bra! hahaha!

2008-01-15T06:42:00.000-08:00

i will educate

I will be a student teacher. Will teach Algebra ata or Trigo. Bwahahaha! I'm fucking kidding. Who the hell will care and dare to listen? Haha.
Ok so I'll be narrating a story in Mythology. Cupid and Psyche.
I remember in 2nd year, I also did some storytelling. Ramayana. Chapter 13-The Advance on Lanka.
It was a struggle to narrate a story in my own words because I am sabog when I make kwento. I did not make an outline or whatever. I just read the story and that's it.
It is definitely hard to stress something. Like when you want to emphasize something but they seem clueless after rounds of explanation.
So when I got impatient before, I just went "Vibishana:good. Ravana:bad." Ganyang level!
So the problem lies on how will I kwento the kwento and how will they understand the kwento that I will kwento.
Hahaha, it's as easy but messy as getting a brazilian wax. You know what I mean? Uhhh, whatever.

2008-01-06T02:11:00.000-08:00

back to school tomorrow

Ok, that's the worst title ever. I bummed for 3 days and I still haven't made any projects yet. I have no plans of submitting. You know why!

Anyway, my mom and I are both online now. I'm using our PC and she's surfing on her laptop. And even if I am just like 6 steps away from her, she sent me an IM.

Glenda Coronel: ligo na

BRENDA: mmya naman

Glenda Coronel: pareho kayo ng sagot lagi eh

BRENDA: eh ngcocomputer

Glenda Coronel: oo nga

BRENDA: maya

Hahaha! I have this weird habit of transforming myself into a hermit when I'm at home. I wear rug-like clothes and I do not comb my hair after I got up from bed. And I only take baths at night. Disgustingly weird. Hahaha!

Since she's an OC, she always nags me to take a bath and my brother to take a shower after his long day of playing outside.

I remember last night, my brother and mom fought because bro was playing computer games and my mom kept on bothering him . You should see how my brother throw things because of anger! Hahaha! And I was actually giving him things to throw like this big metal puncher and fruit decors made of glass!

define conservative

I received a text from Pat, our president, saying that we have a practice tomorrow for our play at 9 am. Oh god, I get to sleep at 5 am. So how will I make sensible things there? I am highly dysfunctional when I don't get enough sleep. And I do more harm than good.

Worse, I was told to wear conservative clothes. My role is a manang. An extra manang. A talkative, gossip-hungry extra manang. Disastrous!

Good thing, Pat has a long brown skirt. I need to find a top which I can match with it. And this is the hardest part because I do not have a top that will mix appropriately with a long brown skirt. I have some sleeveless tops, halters, tubes, colored tshirts, collared tshirts and spaghettis but I don't see something that will match w/ my skirt and make me look like a conservative manang from the Spanish era! More like modern and laid-back manang with a bit of sophistication. Hahaha! I do not know why I am making arte. I will appear for like 2 minutes only and have only one line to tell! If I don't find a top, I will appear topless! Hahaha! No, I will just show up as a trashy fugly manang! I don't know if you get the picture but it sure isn't a good sight to behold. Hahaha!

Wait, my mom just said that I need to go to the bank tomorrow at 9. But, I have a practice at that time. I wish I could split my bod into two.

In the meantime, I want to die because school is burning my soul like hell!

2008-01-04T01:18:00.000-08:00

random shit

I'm supposed to have wholeday classes today but since there's an affair going on in our school right now, our classes were cancelled. I'm the happiest!

I finally passed my Periodic Exams in Math! 28/50! Tight 40/80 in Physics(great guessing powers) and a goddamn 15.5/50 in Economics! I hate that economics test. I forgot how to solve eh. I have yet to find out my score in Accounting! I'm sure it's the worst among all my subjects.

I also passed the DLSUCET. 1st choice - Business Management. But when I saw my subjects, oh god, I wanted to die. Hardcore math. Algebra. Calculus. I tried to escape algebra in HS and now, it's going to ruin my life once more. If only I'm a math literate... Boohoo.

I finally get to try my tito's Apple Itouch. It is fucking amazing. I'm mangyan. Hahaha. It also has wifi so you can just surf the net right there. God bless Steve Jobs! He's such a brilliant man. I just hope he will finally agree to remove toxic chemicals in his products. Greenpeace, Green Apple. Does it ring a bell?

Why do people call Starbucks SB? What about Seattle's Best?

I miss Cinnabon's cinnamon rolls!

I want to go to Hacienda Marcelo again. I've been there for a couple of times already and they have just recently added pools, bridges, slides, and what-not! I'm so dying to go!

(This post was blogged on 01-04-08 but published 01-27-08. Sorry!)

2008-01-01T01:45:00.000-08:00

YAY!

Happy new to year to everyone!
Happy monthsary to my only one!

oh no

Back to school on January 3. I only have tomorrow to do all my projects which were due some time in December. Or last year. Hehehe. But the real deal lies on whether or not I am really going to do those stuffs because last 2 gradings, I did not submit projects and it wasn't that bad. Hahaha.

Well, honestly, the idea of returning to my goddamn school routine hasn't sunk in my mind yet although I've been constantly reminding myself.

I want to bum some more!!!!

2007-12-30T06:19:00.000-08:00

shit dreams

I just had the worst dreams of my life this morning.
I suddenly woke up and had a hard time sleeping again.
They were really disturbing that I wished I have sleeping pills so I can just shut the world out when thoughts begin to hunt me or overdose when I want to just shut myself out.

I won't disclose what happened but one thing's for sure ---

They aren't sweet.

2007-12-25T21:09:00.001-08:00

I've been out the whole day yesterday so I wasn't able to post here! But I posted a christmas treat in my multiply!

Click to unwrap!

Happy Holidays from the Suicide Xmas Dolls!

Note: They are not emo.

Hahaha.

2007-12-23T08:15:00.000-08:00

here's to late-night coffee sessions!

I just got my Starbucks 2008 Planner this evening.

I realized my 2 promotional cards consist of 12 stickers for regular drinks and 11 for the holiday ones so I ordered Peppermint Mocha(which is the worst of the xmas drinks!). I claimed the planner right away.

Tadah!

But now, I think the Beijing edition is prettier. Hehe.

Honestly naman talaga, if there were no typos and paper issues with Belle De Jour Planner, I think I'd get that one. But since I live here in Batangas and it's only available online and in selected NBS and FullyBooked branches in Manila, I decided to just collect stickers for that of Starbucks'. You see, it will be a hassle if I will return and exchange the BDJ with another copy.

Kasi naman, why are there typos? It's a planner, diba? I know humans commit mistakes but come on, proof-reading is a virtue. Besides, they just sell planners annually so they have a long time to prepare and ensure the quality. This is business. They shouldn't expect customers to just understand and accept everyting most specially if I am one of them. Hahaha.

Sayang, BDJ seems so nice pa naman with the Menstrual and Expenses Tracker. Plus the discount coupons. And it seems handy. And glamorous!

Hay nako, I believe I'm a Belle de Jour pa naman(which means It Girl in french)! Hahaha!

(Ilusyunada!)

2007-12-22T06:13:00.000-08:00

the good ol' pier

Aplaya is known for Rosanna, 228 and seemingly submarines that float on its sea.

But for me, it is where my fantasies can somehow come closer to reality.

Look.

photos by Brenda Coronel

I just love how lights reflect on the water and how they make the night brighter and merrier.

All these devour the deepest of my thoughts and emotions.

And the good thing is, I don't need to go to the spa to destress.

(These are all best with menthol cigarettes and cold beer. Ahhhhhhhh.)

2007-12-19T06:44:00.001-08:00

i'm still up

I know, my last post was dated November 10 and it's been a month and 9 days since I finally had the guts and time to type here. Boo.

Let me share some random stories from the past days(in bullet form of course!).

Our section had some sort of huge conflicts with backstabbing, face-to-face cursing and notebook-to-face-throwing! The latter was done by yours truly. Hehe. When we were given the chance to talk about the issues in class, I stood up after Pat and ranted. Most of my classmates were laughing because I was really making a mess there. I had so many quotable lines like "Bakit pati Sunday kailangan may practice? Kung ang Diyos nga nagpapahinga. Ano kayo si Curacha, babaeng walang pahinga?", "Bakit mo sasabihing pokpok ang isang tao? Customer ka ba?", "Tigilan na yang Havaianas-Havaianas na yan. Kung ang mangyan nga nakatapak.", "Can you give me 2 literal and 1 figurative meaning of bitch and use it in a sentence?", "And who are you to call me a slut? Are you my pimp?", "Act like a man because you got balls stucked between your legs!"
. I said all these with my adviser in front. Hahaha. Ganoong level! Carry mo? Hehehe. And because of that, I was invited to a conference with the Guidance Counselor and the other 4 who were involved. I was even given permit slip to ensure that I will be allowed my parents to attend at 10 am. But, being the absent-obsessed psycho that I am, I did not attend the conference and my classes in the afternoon. Then, I learned that night that they were ok and the other party apologized. It made me wonder why peace prevails when I am gone. Hahaha. But what, peace between me and justin, hell NO!!! I was stating all the possibilities and solutions so as we could plan the perfect approach regarding our problems then he said stupid ideas and made shit. He cursed me but sorry, I'm the best in the cursing department. I curse every minute. And he even called me a slut! Yeah right, I am the best slut in town. Hahaha. That made him unworthy of my peace, reconciliation and friendship. But he is hella worthy of the notebook! My new and thick math notebook flew like a flying saucer to his face! Hahaha! I am automatic. My boyfriend must be proud of me! Anyhoo, no more tension or anything. Things are slowly but surely getting to normal and better between me and the people whom I confronted except Justin. Closed chapter. Let's move on. PS Justin, next time you'll bash me, I am going to pull your hair and I'll make sure it will straighten out because you see, your hair's so fugly with the front straight and the back curly. That's just a very little favor from me. You don't have to owe me 200 pesos like the straightening treatments in cheap parlors. Okay? Now, mind your balls and don't bark. Bite!!! Bitches know best. Mwahaha!
3rd Periodical Exams are over. No studying! At the mall every afternoon.
I did not take make-up quizzes and did not even bother to submit projects and other requirements! Next year na!
I gave Gizelle a copy of Purpose Driven Life because she's not getting any younger and she badly needs a purpose in her life. Hahaha! No, she's been bugging me to give her a Joyce Meyer book but I couldn't find any in National Bookstore so I decided to give her Rick Warren's.
I found my long lost copy of Veronika Decides to Die! I can now resume! Im curious about Zedka's character but I don't want to research about it because I might spoil the surprise!
We now have a branch of All FLipflops here in Batangas. Poor province. Haha. But the stocks are just so-so. I did not salivate. Anyway, I have 10+ pairs so I need not be desperate. But still, I'll be checking their stocks from time to time. Hehe.
Taz, my uncle, will arrive before the month ends. I don't know what date. God, I miss that techie geek. (Techie geek because he updates his gadgets everytime a new one comes out.) Cool. I can't wait to get my hands on his new Macbook and ipod(he just bought ipod video months ago then he bought naman ipod touch). Why do people don't get contented? Why don't they just give their money to the needy? Ehem ehem... Come on.
Ok, my brain is kinda crashing now. I can't remember the other stories. Let's cut this. Bye!

2007-11-10T09:04:00.000-08:00

i knew it.

My instincts were right. How could I believe such a lie?

I'm shaking. Right now, all I need is a puff then I'll be fine.

In the meantime, fuck you two.

2007-10-16T06:37:00.000-07:00

HOLD ON
"Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift. That's why it's called the present."
- Bil Keane

2007-10-13T04:00:00.000-07:00

battle of the mouths

I just got off from a war in Iraq. And Iraq is just here in our household, hahaha.

I enjoyed every second of it because my mouth is a morbid machine gun and every shot is oh-so-fucking glorifying. BwaHAHAHA.

Let me narrate a brief summary(if you can call this brief)

I had just finished watching TV when I learned through my brother that a technician was fixing the internet settings on our computer so as to share our DSL connection with the dumb son of my grandmother. Of course, I got enraged so I immediately confronted the technician and talked shit with a soaring voice tone. He was just quiet then. So ok, I shut up and sat on our sofa. He left right after he's done with his shit right here and told me to restart the computer. Ok. When I turned this unit on, there is no connectivity so I released the hell out of me and fought with my grandmother. Thanks to my cursing skills, I won as I always does. Then my Mom arrived just in time when my grandmother's son was telling me in a high pitch not to change the IP address. My mom got appalled because he doesn't have the right to demand or complain because he is just sharing with us and he's not even giving us a single centavo for that. So she cussed as well. And damn grandmother's son insisted that I was changing the IP address. Hell I care about IP address! The only thing I can remember was the time I followed this PLDT employee's instructions through the telephone so I can revive my internet after their technical difficulties due to power failure all throughout Batangas. I did not change a single IP number but I just clicked on something then tadah, our internet was back. So there is no way he can accuse me of that. Ok, so in short, we won and my grandmother and his son(whom I refuse to refer to as my uncle or something because I don't consider him as such) lost. Mwahahaha. I love my mother.

Lesson for them: Never pick a fight with any of the both of us because you'll be messing with an armory!

2007-10-08T04:41:00.000-07:00

Pursuit of Happiness

People keep on asking me on what I want to pursue and I always give them a blank stare or a puzzled look.

Now, I finally saw the way, the truth and the light.

I want to bum, shop, pamper, travel, and indulge in all the pleasures this world has to offer.

Is it clear or you want me to elaborate?

2007-10-01T17:57:00.000-07:00

get the idea

Girlfriends of past loves have been adding me on friendster even if my shoutout says :

And then of course, there are those guys who insist on adding me even if I already declined their requests. Sometimes, they don't get contented so they will add me on their other accounts. WTF.

So now, I just ignore all the friend requests from strangers or from those I know by name but not in person so they won't be able to add me again.

I hope they they will somehow realize that their invites have been there for ages and that's telling them something.

2007-09-28T03:36:00.000-07:00

heaps of gratitude

This is 5 days late but I don't care.

Ok, so I want to thank everyone who made my birthday extra-special.
I received lots of gifts but your warm greetings were the most unforgettable.
I've always wanted to keep that day anonymous but it was really overwhelming to get numerous texts from different networks and unknown numbers and even greetings from the people I least expected.

Thanks everyone for your thoughtfulness.
And thank God for another year of life and more importantly, for making my family complete on my birthday even if Papa left early the next day. It was the best gift I received.

oh, wait...

Today is the 28th so Happy Birthday to my aunt, Gizelle. I already greeted her in YM but there's no limit in greeting celebrants, you know.

and...

I don't think I can ever forget...

Happy Feast Day to Saint Lorenzo Ruiz, the first Filipino martyr who'd rather die a thousand deaths than give up his faith.
I am one with my real Alma Mater, STC, in commemorating the significant days of our patron saints.

2007-09-09T06:50:00.000-07:00

haviness

Last night, I learned through GT that the new styles of Havaianas arrived in several AFF outlets.

And my YM status says "New: Havaianas Alert, Rasta and Addicted to Love on AFF. I want to teleport."

Good good thing, I have a mother who shares a similar addiction.

She invited me this morning to check the new stocks in Events Center, Lipa.

The staff there informed her upon delivery. So we went all the way to Lipa to check the new stocks.

No regrets!

I lusted over those styles last night and just this morning, I already have them! Fresh!

Alert and Rasta are both pretty. And when I'm torn between two choices, I get both. Then, i'm high!

Now, I want the pink alert but I have to slow down because I just bought a brown High Light pair about 3 weeks ago and I have just worn it today for the first time.

hey, PICTURES HERE!

2007-08-25T18:58:00.000-07:00

good awakenings

It is but hard to have lots and loads of thoughts and emotions to share but since I don't know where to start, I end up with immense space and silence.

Booohooo.

...

I'll try on the most significant ones.

...

Just this morning, I realized that...

I should always strive to understand things even in their most unjustifiable state. Sure, it would be very difficult but human nature will shed light.
I could always say "I am going through a lot right now" because I really do. But thinking about it, maybe it wasn't really bad at all. Everyone has tons of issues to deal with. It is not a matter of how many or how heavy those issues are. What really matters is how I am going deal with those and more importantly, how I could make the whole experience of dealing with challenges a fruitful one. What does not kill me makes me stronger.

After all these years and everything that happened, I still love HIM and that's the only thing I'm certain of. Sorry to burst everyone's bubble, get over it.

I have done a lot(and I really mean A LOT) of mistakes in the past and making regrets will surely be the dumbest thing I can ever do.

I am stupid for knowing the value of health and money but not even trying to live with it. I guess I should start to eat right, get enough sleep, and cut down on my vices. And I better stop swiping my atm before it gets empty.

There.

Okay, so on a less serious note...

I am expecting my vanity goods to arrive on Wednesday. Thanks to my loving mother who will shoulder everything. The price, deposit charge, shipping... This only happens once in a blue moon because I used to pay for my vain frills before. God, I love her even if her mouth is an armalite.

I shopped yesterday with my cousin, Abbitch. She's a useless shopping companion because she always say "maganda.bilhin mo na." so I always buy. Boobing is a more effective shopping companion because he/she tells me if it's beautiful or ugly. He/she will even ask me if I need/want it and the most important thing of all, gay will ask me if I could/would ever use it. What a great help for an impulsive shopper like me. I almost bought a sweater/jacket/whateverthellyoucallit in Tribal.

National Bookstore has 65% off on their books! Fuckfuckfuck. Temptation. But I won't buy because I have many books here which I haven't even read. Sorry Paulo Coelho, I promise I'll read your other works after The Alchemist which I am not yet over with.

I still don't like CAT even if we won second place on the whatever competition that is. I will surely love it if they will give us guns(the big ones, please) and let us shoot each other!!! And I want bombs, grenades and a panzer tank. Happy new year!!!

My monthly visitor arrived just awhile ago. What an annoying surprise.

Warning to everyone :

Beware of irritability, harsh words and long nails.

Note : The 1st part of this entry was written and then save to drafts last August 25. Hence, the title date. The 2nd part of the post was written and the whole entry was published both on September 2 .

2007-08-19T07:24:00.000-07:00

SAN KA PA!

Condoms katabi Lollipops. At CHUPA CHUPS PA YUN HA!

Kabog!

Brenda : Miss, bakit ang condoms nyo katabi lollipops?
Star Mart SA : Ma'am kasi bagay! Hahaha!
Brenda : Ganon? Ang landi nyo ha!

2007-08-18T07:05:00.000-07:00

an affair to remember

It was wrong from the very beginning

And though we knew it was, we still gave it a shot.

There were exchanges of i love you's, long stares, and sweet gestures from time to time.

There were even long hours on the phone.

They were sweet and precious moments although they were bitterly stolen.

And on the other side of the coin stand our two other lovers.

So we made an escape, blazed our very own trail, and went on with only this vague love to sustain us.

But how far could we go?

Until when could we survive?

Until we finally saw the light.

And knew it's time to put this battle down.

We can no longer move forward.

There's no direction.

End of the road.

We went home to where our hearts are.

And realized where we truly belong.

We had made such a huge gamble.

And maybe, we lost on this one.

But the friendship's the consolation prize.

We might not have those sweet times anymore.

But we could have good ones aplenty.

Parting was definitely the worst repercussion.

But through friendship, the best moments and memories are yet to come.

Once, i loved you and I guess I always will.

2007-08-13T06:27:00.000-07:00

divert!

I am going through a lot right now.
It feels like I've been backstabbed by the person I trusted the most.
I know I have a lot of reasons not to feel this way but this one is different.
I can say I'm depressed right now and to feel happy, I am currently overdosing on Hershey's chocolate syrup. No water or anything. Pure syrup.
Now, I have discovered a better alternative to beer. Besides, I don't like the bloated feeling and of course, the bulges. I want a flat tummy because I'm getting my navel pierced. HEHEHE.
I'm also listening to my favorite reggae songs to feel errrr, gay.

Oh, by the way, Papa's arriving in an hour or two. Biglaan. I can't wait to have my hands on my new ipod. Now, this is another reason to be happy! I'm thinking of having it gmasked but I'm kind of broke right now and I'm saving up for a tokidoki bag. I'm materialistic, as how my ex-boyfriend once put it. Oh well, I guess he's right. He's always right. Yeah, and I'm always wrong. I'm the relationship wrecker and I'm one hell of a bitch so I guess he's better off with a less bitchy version. Hahaha, I'll shut up before this leads to a rant post. Bye!

2007-08-10T18:07:00.000-07:00

PT = ~~Periodical Test~~
Putanginang Test

Hahaha. Sorry for the title. :P
So, my periodic exams are over. And I did not even bother to study. I only scanned my notes a few minutes before the exam. Hehehe. Katamad kasi mag-aral. Tapos binasta ko pa lahat. I am so not in the mood for these things. The day before the exam pa nga eh nasa Coffee Plus ako at gabi na ako umuwi kahit 3:30 pa lang eh dismissed na kami.
Haaayyy, and I know I messed up my Physics and Math exams and I am so certain I would fail. Really. I don't want to know my scores tomorrow. That would be really embarassing!
Nga pala, i remembered na Bernie texted me and said na yung papers namin sa Math sya ang magchecheck. Tita nya kasi teacher namin. So kahit hindi ako unli that time, nagreply ako.
" Paki-pasa naman ako ha. Hahaha"
There.

lakwatsa

Gumala kami kahapon ni Airish.
We're supposed to watch the initiation rites sa may Lyceum but wala yung dapat makakasama namin so hindi natuloy.
Then nagyaya ako sa San Mig Station. Eh bobah ako, nakalimutan ko pagabi nga pala yun nagbubukas. So we went to SM nalang. We had lunch then I shopped. I only have P200 with me that time kasi nakalimutan kong humingi sa mudra. Pero the wonder atm is there to save the day. Mega-swipe lang ako ng swipe. Hahaha.

Bad news : Wala ng The Body Shop. No more shower gels.
Good news : May Zen Zest na. Ang bango ng Martini.

Then we went naman sa Star Mart. So nakatambayan namin si Abby, my cousin, and her former classmate, Pacia. Ang sarap talaga ng Iced Choco don. Potah.

Naalala ko tuloy nung Tuesday, brownout sa Bauan so niyaya ko si Airish sa Star Mart. Dapat nag-aaral ako kasi PT nga namin ng Wednesday. Eh tamad eh. Di yon. Nag-iced milo kami. Ulang ulan. Tapos tinatawanan daw kami nung mga pokpok sa labas kasi nga lamig na sa loob dahil ng aircon tapos umuulan pa eh nag-iced milo pa kami. Hahaha. Bobita Peron!
Tapos may nakita akong naka-display na poster na Pandesal stuffed with Corned Beef chorvah na yun. Eh parang bet ko itry.
Kaya sabi ko..

Brenda: Miss, how much yon?
SM girl: Ayyy, wala pa po kame nyan.
Brenda: Ay bakit dinidisplay eh wala naman pala!!!!
Airish and Abby: Hahaha!

Tapos kahapon, meron na. Tnry ko. Di masarap for me. Kaya si Airish nalang kumain.

Ayyy naalala ko...Kahapon, na kina Abby kami. Nagchecheck ng friendster. Eh binuksan ko pouch ni Airish kasi andon fone ko. Iniwan kong bukas kasi chinecheck ko lang naman nga ang fone ko.
Sabay hirit ba naman ng little sister ni Abby ng.. "Ayyyyy, may marlboro sa bag!"
Airish: Sabi nang wag basta magbubukas.
Brenda: Eh nawala sa isip ko!
Airish: Yihhhhhhhh.
Brenda: Eh lalaki nga nawawala sa isip ko, yan pa!

Hahaha. Yun.
Tapos tumambay kami sa kanila. Tapos nanood kami ng basketball. Tapos inaasar ako ng mga kabarkada ni Joanz kesyo yung Maji na daw bago nya.
Brenda: OK LANG, parinig ko.
Barkada: Whooo, Ok lang daw.
Brenda: Wala akong pakialam, may reserba naman.
Airish: Yun, taray.
Nung makalayo-layo na...
Brenda: Sino yung putanginang Maji yon?!
Airish: Hahaha, Kala ko ga.

Tapos punta namin kami Mcdo. Kain ulit. Yun lang ginawa namin buong araw, lumakad at kumain. Tapos umuwi na ako. Tapos tapos na.

2007-08-05T18:47:00.000-07:00

wala.

My mom bought a laptop for herself. I'm jealous!
Pero Papa bought me a new ipod. Yet to be shipped here.
I'm happy.
Pero OK lang naman kahit walang bago eh, may nano naman dito.
Sayang lang ang money, pero if he wants to be sweet to me, then it's ok. :)
Pero kasi cash talaga kelangan ko. Im getting broke. Really.
Ang hirap ng walang boyfriend. Hahaha, JOKE.

2007-08-01T04:39:00.001-07:00

i will bitch.

Hoy Jimbo/Boams/Kahit ano pang pangalan mong tarantado ka, kapal naman talaga ng mukha mong gamitin pati tong pc dito sa bahay. Leche ka, nakikikabit ka na nga ng internet, hindi ka pa makuntento. Asa ka na eh. Tangama ka. O wag ka na tatanggi kasi naka-login yung friendster mo dito, ulol. Kadiri kang hayop ka. Mamatay ka na.

Sa susunod sabi, gagalingan mo naman. Lagi nalang kitang nabibisto. O wag ka na aangal, labas ko baho mo eh. Ano?

Nasabi ko na sayo lahat ng kasamaan kaya alam ko sanay ka na.

Pero ito talaga paborito ko... Mamatay ka na.

...

Ok, ignore that one. I am just super mad right now. That person is a fucking loser and parasite. I've hated him since God knows how long. He is mother's brother by the way. Pweh, this family could have been perfect without him. He's an embarassment. I never even considered him as a family member. And in my mind, he was dead and certain organisms had long feasted on his rotten body, oh wait, as if those organisms would even bother. Duh, they have taste. Hahaha. Ahh, whatever. My life would be completely happy seeing him die a slow and painful death. You know how I want to torture him and stab him to death!!! Wow, that would be really exciting.

2007-07-29T00:06:00.000-07:00

badtrip!

Phone lines are fucked up again.
What's going on, PLDT people?
I need to talk to someone and make chika to Boobing.
Oh btw, where the hell is that gay? He is not online and god, he has no penny to reply. Hahaha!
Haaayyyy, PLDT really annoys the hell out of me.
I want an instant fix!!!!!!

nga pala ..

Nanood kami ni Anne ng Ouija kahapon.
Actually ayaw nya nga eh. Gusto nya english films eh pareho naman namin ayaw ang Harry Potter kaya go na rin. Pinilit ko lang kasi naiintriga ako.
Eh lecheng yan, nakakatawa naman eh!
As in. Tawa ako ng tawa habang yung iba nagiiritan.
Si Anne naman nagtatago gamit panyo nya pero umiirit rin ang gaga.

Brenda : Bakit ka nairit eh nakatalukbong ka naman jan?
Anne : Eh yung sound effects!

tapos sabay okray ko..

Brenda : Eh bakit ka ba nagtatakip ng panyo?
Anne : Eh ayoko makita, hindi mawawala sa isip ko.
Brenda : Sige, mamaya na lang raw sila magpapakita sayo. Haha!

Tapos biglang umilaw cellphone nya...
Brenda : O ayan na, nagsend na yung mumu ng MMS sayo.
Anne : Alah.

Hahaha.
Grabe, nakakatawa talaga. May makikita kayong mumu na nagaacrobat.
TALENTED ang pota!
May part na ako lang yung umirit! Tapos after 1 second, sila naman.
Inang yan. Bitin ang storya.
Magda da mumu : "Bakit sya ang pinakawalan nyo?"
... tapos parang naging black yung buong screen...
... after 3 seconds...
" Directed by Topel Lee "
Yun na.

Blech. Buti nalang naaliw ako.
Sana next time na gagawa ulit ang Pinoy eh yung may originality naman. Ginaya lang yung ibang part sa The Ring at The Grudge eh.

Pero winner talaga yung nag-aacrobat! 1st time!

barado!

I'm chatting w/ Limuel and nakakatuwa itong part na ito.

BRENDA: anu nga yr n ng gf m?
Limuel^^ Tinaja: 2nd year
BRENDA: ahhhh.. bata pa pala... kala ko 3rd na
Limuel^^ Tinaja: ngek
Limuel^^ Tinaja: anong tawag mo sayo nung 2nd year ka?
Limuel^^ Tinaja: ahahahaha
Limuel^^ Tinaja: dba 1st year me bf ka na
BRENDA: HAHAHA. may point ka..

2007-07-28T06:09:00.000-07:00

kabaduyan

Naroon ang dingding, ang bintana at ang puno ng narra.
At naroon ako, nakatingin sa kalawakan habang nangangarap na sana'y hindi nila tayo nakikita't naririnig
Upang nang sa gayo'y maulit muli ang mga sandaling tayo'y masaya at walang pakialam sa iisipin at sasabihin ng buong daigdig.

2007-07-24T06:37:00.000-07:00

Open letter to youknowitsyou

Never in my wildest dreams did I thought of being in this cold and dark moment again.

Sure, we have gone too far and we have overcomed the hardest obstacle there is.

But later did I realized that our hardest enemy would be ourselves.

Our past experiences had wounded me so bad it left me bleeding and scarred.

And no matter how hard you try to heal them, I can't erase the fact that I have been really traumatized that I found it hard to commit and give everything again.

I am still testing the waters and teaching myself to fully trust and gamble.

I had once lost in a big game of my life and right now...

I am having second thoughts on whether or not I am going to bet everything.

I definitely want to win.

And I want it big time.

I am still in the process of gaining a huge fraction of myself.

I am still seeking and learning.

I am still learning to love myself so as to be able to give love.

I just don't want you to hold on to something vague and uncertain.

Please give me space and time to contemplate, search, and make up my mind.

2007-07-22T21:48:00.000-07:00

Note to loverboy:

MY HEART IS A BITCH.

DON'T FUCK WITH IT.

2007-07-22T19:49:00.000-07:00

panalo!

Lindzey : Ako legal wife.
Brenda : Ako latest wife.
Bobing : Ako lucky wife.
Neol : Hindi. Lalaki wife!

2007-07-16T05:20:00.000-07:00

WANTED : MATH TUTOR
Must be patient.

Okay okay, it came out in a random manner but seriously, I need a whole new discussion(not a review,ok?) on Algebra and maybe a bit of Geometry. Don't ask why. I've always been with an imaginary Tinkerbell during math classes. I just don't like math and everything it involves. Let me correct that. I never really liked math and everything it involves.

Radicals and all those sort of mathematical demons are strange creatures.

My future is at stake.

God save me.

2007-07-06T17:55:00.000-07:00

"Sometimes it takes more strength not to fight."

2007-07-04T04:57:00.000-07:00

emo creatures

They're multiplying and right now, I want to raise my eyebrows on people who play emo and cut weird hair and bangs, wear weird creepy black clothes and listen to weird sad suicidal songs and slash the hell out of their weird unusual lives.

I mean, come on. What's the point? Isn't life happier when we wear gay colors, listen to gay songs, and let our hair rebel in its joyful way?

I never wished to meddle on their strange lives and ways but maybe I'm just appalled by their view in life.

Why do they have torment themselves with pain and misery if they can live with peace in their minds and hearts?

Why do they have to dwell on a gloomy tone when they can free themselves and be overwhelmed by life's zest and splendor?

Why can't they get the point of letting go, moving on and starting over? Or do they really have heavy loads of sorrow to begin with?

Life is not a trend, so please.

2007-06-23T21:53:00.000-07:00

"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid
with them."

I miss you TITS !
I know that our friendship was tested and conquered by time but looking back, maybe it's never really late to rekindle that bond.

2007-06-15T21:47:00.000-07:00

updates!

Ok, so I'm alive now after almost a week of being ill and bedridden.

So anyway, I will update about school first.

Had my 1st day of classes last Tuesday (June 12) The others are nung 6. Hahahaha. Bleeeehhhh!
Angelo (the gay), Kainoa (the nose), Daven (Mr. Bean according to Poks. Hahaha), Lara(the BS), Raprap (the white according to Filipino teacher hahaha) and Elgee(the one from Puerto with sunburn according to the gay) are my classmates again. Hahaha!
I got only 2 mistakes on my first Physics quiz. (maybe the first and the last time)
and 2 mistakes on my I-dont-care quiz on Computer. I just browsed the handouts on the last minute.
I have no recitation marks on my Geometry class. Boo!!!
Accounting class is not as boring as I imagined. But I totally hate the assignments. Research, blah blah.
Ma'am Cordero had the worst criticism on my jogging pants. "nginatngat ng daga". but hey, i call it "worn out". Hahaha.
School librarians deny students when the lib is full.
School library is pretty fucked up. I prefer the arrangement last year.
Climbing the 4th floor is time-and-energy-consuming. Good thing, I'm on the afternoon session so I don't have a problem of getting late.
Cellphones are not allowed in school but there are e-loads and autoloads in the school canteen. Weird.

Those are some. I prefer not to talk about my other remarks because some things are better left unsaid. Or should I say, it is just better safe than sorry. ;-)

other matters...

Gizelle, my mother's sister, is back! She sleeps with me in my room. But not in my bed. Hehehe. She would sometimes ask weird questions about tooooot and why first love just end like that. Needless to say, she doesn't know a lot. (Tooooot is not my first love. He's my great love. Da who!) She covered my accounting journal and she made something stupid in putting my labels on it. Hahaha!
Roxanne explained her side so I guess we're still friends. But let's face it, not as much as before.
My uncle will give his old ipod nano to my grandma. Grandma is so hi-tech nowdays! Her room has tv, dvd player, aircon, speakers and then she had a cellphone, and now she'll have her own ipod. Of course, I have an intervention with those. Syempre.
My brother is my bestfriend in this house. He used to hug and kiss me on my bed before he leaves.
I almost destroyed the phone last night. Stupid callers. I hate it when the phone rings!
SUN is more fucked up than the library. Grrrrr. I can't call. So mood is fucked up as well. Hahaha.
I have long nails and nail polish. Everybody seems to notice and some would even touch. But when would Gary disturb my class and ask me to cut my nails on his office again?
I slept for 14 hours. It's either I lack sleep or I oversleep. Body clock is fucked up too!

...

I realized things are so fucked up. Hahaha.

2007-06-08T06:49:00.000-07:00

absent - 1st week of classes

6 days of vacation extension. Cool.

Almost.
But I have fever, cough and cold and I was bedridden for 3 days now!
Can't taste food and have difficulties swallowing.
Been drinking medicines which is still very hard for me. Prefer syrups. But the juicy ones.
More struggles but bottomline is...
I am, at least free from school, no need to wake up at 9 or 10 am. (I can't sleep by the way.)
And I haven't printed labels for my books.
So I'm still not ready. And my system gave up before the battle has even started.
This whole illness came on the most perfect/unperfect time.
But rest assured, I will be resurrecting myself on the 12th!
And Ohhh..
I heard we have GOOD teachers and classmates.
Special mention: Good Math teacher, Bernie's tita.
Anyway, this won't be as exciting and enraging as last year.
Hell-o to my last year in highschool.

2007-05-31T03:11:00.000-07:00

knowledge is good,
but i need/want wisdom

So please get me some books.
I'd love to receive Paulo Coelho or Mitch Albom's works.
( I know that there are some in the school library but I want my own copy. )

It is a given that I hate books and reading, but this hunger for a deeper intelligence is really taking its toll. I'm dying to flip its pages, caress each and enthrone the classics in my shelf.

Never mind the factual books and the learnings I will gain from those. I won't get to live with it until I die anyway.

2007-05-23T22:59:00.000-07:00

dreams that aren't sweet

I had the weirdest dreams this morning. I don't want to talk about this but it really freaks me out.

Anyhoo, I had several dreams and I can only remember the last two.

One is on a church wedding setting. I'm the bride and Adam is my groom. After he has said his vow, I replied with "I do" and everybody laughed. Needless to say, I was embarassed.
Next setting, the whole walking down the aisle was repeated and we're about to exchange vows again when Adam's mother made a scandalous disagreement regarding our wedding. She said that the Adam I was marrying was not really his son Adam and the Adam I know. That Adam is just a man of the same looks but not really related to any of us. A doppelganger, I suppose.

My last dream was about Juju. This was the most painful dreams I ever had and is somehow similar to his previous dreams.

The setting was on the road heading to Aplaya with the long rice fields alongside. It was dark and no one was in the area except for the two of us. We're walking when suddenly a man riding a motorcycle (the type goons in the movies use) stopped in front of us and pointed his gun to Ju. At that moment, I know the reason and the person behind that. Then more 'goons' arrived and cornered us. Then the first goon shoot Juju. I ran and went to Airish's house to get help and ask my mother if she has an idea about it but everyone there seems knowledgeable of the incident even if it has just happened a few minutes ago. No one cares and everybody's busy about their own businesses. I was crying all throughout. Airish and I are walking towards the dark road when I woke up and the dream was cut.

I woke up crying with tears running on my temples to my ears and after the whole 'dream' has sunk in, I smiled out of the realization that it was merely a dream.

my interpretation

My family wants a man for me(in this case Adam),hence, the marriage. I never wanted to marry him and it was never really meant to happen. Everything is messed up. Doppelganger, the setting, the vows, etc.

I love Juju and left the whole wedding thing for him and my family is enraged by that fact. And that's where the killing sprouted.

Everybody doesn't want us together so as I grieve, people dont care and are actually in cloud nine.

And as I was about to see Juju's corpse, I suddenly woke up, giving an end to the story which in my analysis either signifies the end of me not seeing him again or that it was just a dream and even if reality is even harsher, I am in control of things and I better 'wake up' and confront our problems.

the root

I am not wondering why these dreams popped out. Last night, I was contemplating on what I should do and it was just answered through such bad dreams. Sometimes, things should really be learned the hard way.

It happened in a dream, at least.

2007-05-19T09:45:00.000-07:00

amazing

"Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so
good when I stop."
- Grey's Anatomy
Wow, I'm speechless.

2007-05-17T21:47:00.000-07:00

The best things in life are free.

Indeed, this one never disappoints.

Go on, you can stare. It's free.

2007-05-14T06:02:00.000-07:00

BLOG LEAVE

will be back one day.

Reason: need some time to reflect so as to post a sensible and selfless entry

2007-05-09T19:05:00.000-07:00

updates!

I am in the proper state of mind to write in full decent paragraphs so maybe a few sentences will do.

Ok, here you go.

After 48 years of receiving the same excuses, "ma'am i-ffollow up ko po yan bla bla", waiting, cursing pldt employees and more waiting, our DSL is up! Good thing, it's faster! Well, if this would have some speed issues in the coming days, then it's time again for some bitchy confrontations with those pldt whores. Hahaha!
We bought a new Sony Cybershot. Picture-perfect. (I mean it takes pictures perfectly. ) We have to get a 1 GB sd for it.
I'm trying to get use to this new keyboard my OC mother bought. Silver and black. Cute. My mom hated the black keyboard's invisible letters. It was ok for me though because I can type with my eyes closed.
I have breakouts because I barely sleep when I was in Baguio and most of the time, I get to sleep in the van where my neck is tilted and it's just so tiring and yeah, painful. And when I got back in this home sweet home of ours, I still don't have adequate amount of sleep. Boo.
I received 'The Alchemist' as a gift last week. Great! I managed to read 3/4 of it before but the demon in me won and I got lazy so I wasn't able to finish it. This time I should. I hope it will help me in realizing my destiny although when I first read it, I didn't even realized a thing. Ugh, whatever!
I am always craving! And as of the moment, I want choco butternut munchkins from Dunkin Donuts. WTF.
I eat three meals a day. Lunch, Dinner, Midnight munching. No breakfast, sleeping.
I want those tiny cutie charms for cellphones. No, not a charm, I mean a voodoo doll.
The whole household crumbled because of my rude tireless mouth. That's all I have to say about this.

Selected pictures of baguio trip is in my multiply.

2007-04-14T22:17:00.000-07:00

life and death situation

I hate to admit this - I'm on a dial-up connection right now. Dammnnnitttt! My mother applied for a DSL upgrade eklavu and those lethargic PLDT people said that it will be settled in a week or three. Worse, we have to return our DSL modem and everything before they replace it with a new one after the damn long week. Fuck. I cried out of anger and lack of hope. Good thing, I have my brother to share with my agony. We both tortured our mother for her impulsive decision but ended up being tortured too for being ingrates and psychotics.

So what's life without DSL? DSL's like blood and without it flowing, life would stop. It's like air and without me breathing it, life would stop. To cut things short, without it, life would stop. And that's exactly what happened. Life stopped in an instant. Period.

My life is currently on a recovery phase and has been on a disfunctional manner lately. I have been roughly experiencing withdrawal symptoms and it's not getting any better. My fingers would love to caress our mouse while surfing and my eyes would love to see the best of the world in travel blogs.

I would definitely love to rant about this goddamn mighty slow dial-up connection but I guess I have to be grateful because I have this as my second and last option and somehow, life would be happy - but not as how DSL makes it.

I have yet to call PLDT Hotline and demand an instant fix. So PLDT guys, you've got to wait for that cursed telephone ring and your once-in-a-lifetime chance to be on the line with a bruha-ish customer. BrouHAHA!

2007-03-21T18:03:00.000-07:00

window shopping and procrastination

Last tuesday, Bernie and I went to bay small(because bay mall is small hehehe). I was supposed to buy new sim cards and she tagged along.

We mooched around and examined most of the stuffs there like swimsuits, bras and underwears from manang-style to thongs, kiddie shoes, slippers, kitchenwares, beauty products, accessories, tops, home decors, nail coats, glasswares, and God knows what else! We even romanticize the aroma of men perfumes and scented candles. Ahhhh, I swear I've given my olfactory sense a delightful treat.

Then, we went home because we have our finals and Bernie will surely have some serious reading. Forget about me because I really don't mind attacking a crucial examination with only a few things in my brain which I perceived in our class discussions given the fact that I daydream and scribble things on the back of my notebook most of the time.

oh my god...

I have a lot of stories from the past week but I forgot everything. The story above, however, managed to be published because I wrote it before and I saved it as a draft. My memory is really down. No backups, everything's corrupt. Damn, how can I manage to make rhymes in the middle of my memory problems?

I think I should check GNC if they have Ginkgo Biloba.

2007-03-18T01:49:00.000-07:00

shedding inches

Guess who had an exaggerated haircut last Friday and a 'damage control' just awhile ago. Hahaha!

I'm still on a state of shock for my hair has never been this short and it is only now that I accepted the challenge of sporting such short hair after 10 long years. It must be because I don't have a choice. Well, I should admit that if there's really a part of my life or destiny that I don't get hold of, it's this haircutting matter. Gay parloristas just know how to perfectly run and ruin lives. They either make or break you.

I'm starting to miss my old hair. Sure, it's fugly and it can be very unruly under certain conditions but I just loved it. I have surely neglected and tortured it but again, as I have said, I loved it.

I used to look barbaric with my rebellious and coarse hair but after the damn evil gay haircutter laid his scissors on my hair and cut inches with no mercy, I looked prim and proper. I felt that I have somehow lost a fraction of my individuality. This is so not me.

And oh, I have bangs too. It's long before. Sideswept. But because I'm an occasional idiot, I cut it straight. Ugly. Then I had it repaired this afternoon. And now it looked...normal.

2007-03-16T08:23:00.001-07:00

bla bla

I'm bitter and hell, I'm on the middle of huge issues which stab me one by one. I'm trying to hold myself from shedding tears or even just thinking about the whole thing but I just hope I was a numb creature or a plain dumb idiot. Whatever.

Maybe I should sleep so I don't have to deal with this emotional bullocks. I'm too drained to stress about this anyway.

2007-03-10T06:49:00.000-08:00

giving way

i am keeping a huge fraction of my feelings under wraps so as to give everyone peace.

i am keeping a huge fraction of my feelings under wraps so as to give everyone a good sleep.

i am keeping a huge fraction of my feelings under wraps so as to give everyone what they want.

i am keeping a huge fraction of my feelings under wraps so as to maintain relationships.

i am keeping a huge fraction of my feelings under wraps so as to deter conflicts.

i am keeping a huge fraction of my feelings under wraps so as to save others.

i am keeping a huge fraction of my feelings under wraps so as to minimize issues.

i am keeping a huge fraction of my feelings under wraps so as to show respect.

i am keeping a huge fraction of my feelings under wraps so as to let itself work on its own and make a change.

2007-03-09T17:23:00.000-08:00

ahhhhhhlergies.

I had allergies. boo. recently, my skin has been very sensitive and I do not know why. Just last week, I had little red spots all over my body, mostly breeding on my inner arms and thighs. It only lasted for a day, I think, and in fact, it disappeared on its own. I don't know where it came from in the first place. Ok, so must be from the unhealthy food I ate or something. Fine, I'm the one to blame.

But what happened last wednesday is quite a different story. It was our homeroom class and just as I head towards the volleyball court with Bernadette for some games, a fast and just as fiesty whip of dust assailed us, or was it just me. Then my face started itching after a minute or so. But of course, I'm an idiot and I scratched it with my long nails. Aaahhhhh. So to compensate, I washed my face with water but the damn itchiness was still taking its toll on me.

Then to make the story short, large bumps accumulated on my face and it was so fugly. As in. I was brought to the clinic and the nurse told me to apply this certain lotion which looks like a liquid foundation on my face and since I'm a make-up enthusiast, I obliged and enjoyed her command. I blend, blend, blend. It's still ugly, of course. As I was waiting for my allergies to subside, I just slept for a while in their cute comfort beds.

The next thing I knew, two of my classmates were watching me sleep and was about to fetch me because according to them, they might lose the volleyball game, ehem, if I'm not around. Hahaha.

So I bid goodbye to the nurses and went with Val. On our way, we passed by a car and being vain, I looked at my reflection in it's window. I was shocked with what I saw, damn, the allergies are still very obvious and I have to return to the clinic! My adviser accompanied me since we met her on our way. Then, the nurses advised that I should be fetched so I can have a check-up.

I called my mom and after about twenty minutes, she arrived and we went to St. Patrick's to have emergency medicine and errr, a vaccine. I slept there for about thirty minutes 'cause of the shot's sleeping effects.

Ahhhhhh, I'm such a babe.

2007-02-25T20:29:00.000-08:00

declaration

At the height of fear and confusion, I draw strength from these words.

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is
love." - St. Paul
We've been through good and bad times and everything has been tough and rough but at the end of the day, our love matters most.
I have found the BEST love and I won't definitely settle for LESS.

2007-02-24T19:57:00.000-08:00

starting over

ok, so my blogging life has been a mess and after keeping my silence in this blog, i finally decided to put my posts in draft and start anew. sure, i have abandoned my tiny home in the online world but what the heck, the prodigal daughter is back. happy days are here again!

well,i haven't updated for quite a while for my life has been on a roller coaster ride with things turning on a rapid pace and riding with it is exhilarating and depressing at the same breath. but now that i have decided to keep this blog (and this time i'm serious), i promise i'll share with everybody my mental diarrhea.

in the meantime, just let your ass wait for my next entry because i feel lazy to post as of yet. (bad sign!) bwahaha!

kk bye!

2007-02-17T17:13:00.000-08:00

quick update

i haven't blog for quite a while though i'm always online because i've been out with some friends lately and yes, i'm not a 'homegirl' anymore.

my life is on a roller-coaster ride now with things turning very fast that they're already through just before I realize them.

here are some of the late updates (the ones I can remember) ...

kelvin, marty and i passed our samba and swing test. god has mercy.
-i failed on my chemistry periodic exam. it did not bother me because I already anticipated it from the very start. tell me how i'm going to past without any knowlege on writing chemical formulas and reactions. on top of that, i did not exert any effort so 35/80 is an achievement per se.
my phone got snatched. at first, i was slightly bitter because after months of abandoning it under the pile of clothes in my closet, i decided to give it life. i even had it repaired and bought another sim card. then just a day after its resurrection, a man fiercly grabbed it and tadah, he made his escape. oh well, i'm using my grandma's phone now because she seldom use it and besides, i wouldn't want to buy another phone as of yet. my atm needs a break and so does my mom's!

that's it muna. hehehe bye!

2007-01-05T17:20:00.000-08:00

withdrawal

i was itching to blog since last christmas because i have a lot of stories to tell and emotions to ejaculate but goddamn taiwan earthquake and pldt screwed our connection! you know how mad i was. and up to now, i still haven't regained my rapid connection, the kind that you can do browser multitasking without having to wait for several seconds or even minutes. i hated it more because YM and Chikka is quite messed up as well. Arrgghhhh. Don't they know that the internet is the only reason why I survive most specially during vacations?! And because of that, I'm back with my street life. You'll see me gracing streets again.

Hello, real world.

2006-12-20T16:47:00.000-08:00

xmas break

no more waking up at 5 in the morning
no more pressure whether i am going to be late or not
no more chemical formulas
no more english poets
no more filipino writing classes
no more ss reformation discussions
no more sacraments
no more triangles, parallelograms and justifications
no more visual basic
no more swing and samba
no more advance algebra

for two weeks.

all of these brain and body stressing stuffs will immediately resurrect next year.
two weeks = too short.

plans for this year-end break

i realized this vacation is too damn short to bum all day or sit in front of this computer. and no matter how hard it is to work my muscles, i promise i'll try. to make things harder for me, i came up with some plans before the year ends.

Driving Lessons - everyone i knew kept on nagging me to take driving lessons so i could drive as early as possible. i asked my mom if she can teach me but i dont think her schedule would permit. she told me to enroll in a driving school for less hassles. i am seriously considering this but if this vacation is too short for that, then i might move this plan on april.

Cut on Shopping - when i realized i have a lot of stuff and that my atm is getting malnourished, i decided to restrain myself from going to malls and hoard on stuffs i dont really need. in fact, i still have 4 new shirts here, all of which aren't used. however, i am making an exception for online shopping. hehehe!

Entrepreneurship - when i was a small kid, i used to sell some sweet delicacies and chichirias to my friends for very reasonable prices. and luckily, my small business boomed. i got some new children customers from the other street. hahaha. and now that i'm nearing adolescence, i still want to venture into business ideas but i dont really have a plan as of yet. a friend and i are considering business partnership, but whatever it is that we'll come up with, rest assured, it will be announced here. i'm still on the brainstorming stage now.

Read a book - now, this is the hardest of all. everybody knows i'm lethargic when it comes to these things. i hope i can really read one, or if i did, i hope i can finish it. i just hope.

No more softdrinks - and this is the largest lie in this entry. my heart would stop beating if i won't take even a glass of coke a day. this plan only means that i should....

Drink more water - sounds really easy but i don't know why i don't seem to complete 8 glasses a day. i am not even sure whether i can drink 4.

Avoid aimless net surfing - this is the time i should get rid of that bad habit. with that, i can prevent our electric bill to triple just like what happened last summer.

Do something about my recent breakouts - i hate having hyperactive hormones or whatever. i hate it when my skin reacts differently to new products. i hate it when i don't get to try several makeups just because my skin is slightly sensitive. and mostly, i hate not being able to religiously apply the medications. and this time, i should persevere more. besides, it's for my own good, isn't it?

not that i am being pessimistic, but i can sense a miscarriage of all these targets. god knows how lazy i am and with that, you must get the idea.
god bless me!

2006-12-11T21:38:00.000-08:00

a more well-brought-up reaction

minus the harshness

i decided to write an article about the most talked issue of the year, the Subic rape case but it ended up to be full of hatred, violent words and terrible attacks that might put me into a libel suit. however, in this new and supposedly decent and proper article, i will be trying my very best not to say anything horrific against the verdict that was released several days ago. i repeat : i will try.

for the past few days, i've been hearing and reading news about the Subic rape case and it never failed to intersect my eyebrows and made me blurt dreadful words against the complainant, "Nicole". she didn't escaped my critical scrutiny which made me question her so-called "innocence".

i am also a woman and i know how she felt about being "raped". i'm sure it will be hard for her to completely forget that night and move on with her life after what happened. moreover, i am also a person and i as well know how alleged and convicted sex-offender,Daniel, felt after being sentenced of reclusion perpetua while his other companions on the said crime were acquited for failure of the prosecution to adduce sufficient evidence against them.

a lot of people have been debating over this issue since the case burst out. and it's not about the verdict. it's about 'Nicole'. well, i must admit i always bring conversations regarding this. i even asked my SS teacher and my adviser their views regarding her testimony.

okay, let's have an evaluation here. she went to Neptune Bar late night of Nov.1, 2005. She's said to be dressed unproperly. She drank a lot and danced with Daniel Smith. And God knows what's next.

she's wearing tight-fitting jeans that night. everybody knows how hard it is to remove it most especially inside a moving van. if she's having a hard time removing it, how much more the other man in the scene? okay, let's not dwell on that.

going out late at night, drinking more than what you can really handle and dancing with a stranger are deeds that really smell fishy, for me . there is this famous line that says that "you are what you eat". yes, it's a different thing. we're not talking about food here but come to think of it, if we'll change the word 'eat' to 'act' , then maybe we're picturing the idea how the marines got hooked. maybe i am being conservative here, but if i'm really a woman of values, i wouldn't dance with a stranger in a bar. we all know and we see from movies how dancing can act as a catalyst to something more intimate, something more sexual.

sure, even a whore can get raped. but the thing here really is whether she showed gestures that she is on for Smith. as how we say it, "actions speak louder than words. was she born only yesterday? aren't she aware that her ways of "having fun" are morally questionable and provocative? we are not anymore in a world where all men respect women of such character. she triggered the marines and thus commited the crime.

her story is somehow comparable to the story of Adam and Eve. it was Eve who prompt Adam in eating the forbidden fruit. it was Eden who caused Adam to commit the mistake although Adam had his own decision, Eve had influenced him bite into it. temptation and sin are dynamic duos, you know.

are the bottles of beer the culprit? are they to blame? of course not. she shouldn't have drank or she could've controlled herself and put things on the right place. if she really insists of taking alcohol, she should have just drank with discipline and responsibility like how a line will go, "drink moderately". sure, she wants fun. everybody wants fun. but is that the type of fun she wants? is that the fun she was looking for?

going out and having fun doesn't mean you should forget all the values that your family, school, church and society cultivated on you. and making every possible way to get out of that awful scene or at least making a way to stop the penetration will move mountains.

and as the aftermath of that mysterious and kinky night, a 21-year old man will spend 40 yrs of his life in jail. in an overcrowded jail of a third world country supported and once colonized by his own nation. and he also has to pay a total of 100,000 pesos for compensatory and moral damages.

i am not saying Daniel Smith is innocent and Nicole is all to blame.

No, what i am saying is IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO.

2006-12-04T22:58:00.000-08:00

para sa aking mga kababayan

handog ko ang kandilang ito, ang konting halagang aking nakayanan at ang aking mga panalangin para sa mga biktimang nasawi at nasalanta ng bagyong Reming .

hangad ko ang isang panibago at matiwasay na buhay para sa lahat .

2006-11-29T03:01:00.000-08:00

sing with me

( to the tune of humpty dumpty )

brenda joey walked near a wall

brenda joey had a great fall

all the students

and all the teachers

couldn't put brenda together again.

that songs sums up the highlight in 2006 Sports Festival.

carry on to the next post below!

accident-prone

the last day of our sportsfest really sucked like hell. don't i deserve a treat because for once in my entire highschool life, i have completed the 4 days of pehm fest without any half-days (though i am late everyday)?

friday . i came 10 minutes late and the whole highschool department is having their rosary in full solemnity, serenity and devotion. i passed through the pathway near the food stalls to avoid the eyes of everyone. i almost slipped but luckily, i have controlled myself and regained my balance. i warned myself from other perils.

as i was walking towards the muddy path, i saw barney staring at me so i gave her a smile. but then i never saw this damn steel and i fell. my brain was really messy that morning so it reflected on my actions. everyone looked at me and for once, i am the star of the show. i stood immediately, untangle my hair and laughed. everybody's shocked and i was like "no one in the planet can do that. unfortunately, no one took a photo of me in that akward scene. i would love to upload that in friendster.

maybe my fellow students felt sorry for me or made fun of me. what the heck, i don't give a damn!

that picture was surely stained on their minds and the next time they'll see me, they'll remember i was the one who did some acrobat stunts amidst the prayer vigil and it will never vanish unless somebody made that stunts better than me. somehow, an image of me will linger in their memory forever. the only thing is, it's poiseless. hahaha!

that was a pretty disaster.

oh well, like they always say, the show must go on. tarush!

surreal

i always have a thing for recollections and other spiritual activities. isn't it magic that after you had one, a new life will dwell upon you. you'll feel renewed,cleansed, enlighten, enriched and inspired to work everything out and have things on the right place.

this recent recollection we had was not as life-changing or eye-opening for me as opposed to what others may have felt about it. others may have seen a very big deal out of it but for me, it was just a reminder for i have already learned every single lesson there way earlier than others did. i have mastered the art of seeing through vague actions and people. i've already realized all my shortcomings, mistakes and resolutions from the storms i have met along my journey. sure, big waves may be a big problem but it never deter me from pursuing my goals and opening myself to new changes and lessons. sure, things fall apart but mornings are designed to change bad yesterdays into magnificent starts .

the modules our facilitator prepared were simply perfect. it may seem shallow and insubstantial for people who don't have the aptitude to recognize the value of those activities. but for me , they are all of high and in-depth meaning. i really learned a lot.

and speaking of our facilitator, Fr. Boy has shared that he has transformed himself to a very noble man from being the angsty and vicious guy he was in his teenage days. honestly, i felt spiritually attached to him even though i have this really weird clashing force towards priests and other divine instruments.

i know i may seem very distinctive and atypical to him but what the heck, this priest may be one of the gifted persons in the planet who can understand m . right from the moment i sat in front of him to have my confession, i know that in his mind he is sensing a different energy from a rough sinner like me and right from the very moment i opened my mouth, i started bombarding him with silly questions in which he all answered in kindness. after my consecutive interrogations with him, i confessed my sins and God knows how shocked he got. i can read that 'oh-my-god, forgive her' thoughts in his eyes but i still went on blurting all my deepest and darkest sins - which are also my secrets. and now, a breathing creature knows my secrets. i am at peace that it won't spill like a contaminated waste that will poison mankind. nevertheless, i felt light. and after that tight moment, our souls bonded .

what's wrong in the picture? cross,priest,saint,and.......? guess .

this photo was taken after the recollection . everybody's busy taking pictures of themselves so i took advantage of the situation, stole Fr. Boy, placed him on the centerstage and had this photo taken . and heavens, he cheerfully obliged . "sa buong pagpapari ko,ngayon lang ako nakaranas ng ganito!", he said . i used force to have this slightly huge man on the stage!
he jokingly punched me in my right cheek with a big grin on his face maybe because i've been so bad . hehehe! and he said i am the section's baby for i am being so bratty that day . (i've been demanding a lot-from papers, food to pictures.)
i bid goodbye to Fr.Boy and Ma'am Acob then i went home with a plan in mind .

2006-11-15T02:36:00.000-08:00

she's at it again!

it was my mom's 2nd commencement night yersterday evening. it was a blast. everyone were in high spirits - graduates, families, spouses, children, relatives and friends.

with my *ehem* two-time professional mom in her graduation dress

finishing a college course in one of the finest schools in the Philippines isn't a joke . imagine expenses here and there, the teachers who'll naggingly make you pay every meeting even for no reason, and the hotel rates you have to pay every stay, 4 hours of driving in baffling roads, competing with unscrupulous drivers for your life and of course, the stretched distance between batangas and manila. besides, spending hundreds of thousands for several months isn't a joke either.

well, it is her night so she truly prepared for that and showed that simplicity and extravagance can blend. yes, you read that right. she wore an extravagant black DKNY dress and matched it with her Fendi stilettos and dkny bag but still managed to look simple with her hair just ponytailed and her makeup done by me. how fabulous.

i am so proud of my mom. she conquered her tiny demons of idleness and has indeed showcased her patience, passion and perseverance. she did not fall into a trial of paying 25 thousand bucks just to get free from making her thesis even though she once thought of doing so. i'm so pleased with what she did because if I am in her shoes, i would've just paid and soar in pleasures.

i made my own copy of Time magazine with my mom in the cover crowned as "Woman of the Year".

she shed her sweat and blood down to the very last drop and slog her body for her family and other people. she showed an overwhelming compassion to the needy and had found immense passion in it.

i am not being biased(because she's my mom)but i must say she really deserves this .

treats

yesterday was an extremely exhausting day. i enjoyed the long hours we spent on the road, gazing at wonderful sights and reflecting on awe-inspiring structures though i am sleepless all throughout. who can sleep in a safari full of chuckling friends, with food and drinks overflowing and good music playing?

we're all groggy that night and feeling the urge to pee so we dropped by Treats then had dinner at pancake house . i love their pork vienna and their fruitshake! love love love !

having dinner with my mom, her friendsand of course, the family(the last two mentioned are not shown in this picture)

on my right is starbucks where i felt a bit awkward while eating because of canoodling couples just three meters away from me. i couldn't keep myself from looking at my right because cinnabon's also situated there and i am itching to buy some rolls!

2006-11-07T01:43:00.000-08:00

blog rebirth

Good god, I can't believe I am starting a new weblog for the umpteenth time . I've had a lot before in various web hosts like xanga, blogger, livejournal, and now i'm back in blogger's arms again . i'm not a blog geek or whatever nor a wretched human being seeking for leisures in the online world . I don't even particularly know what keeps me thirsty in writing, expressing my thoughts, sharing stories and experiences or even blurting nasty words when I'm enraged .
Probably because ...

i did not had the opportunity to write in our school paper, The Leaf, when I was in elementary. it sucks. i've been affiliated on four school organizations so I couldn't join anymore. (we are limited to only three clubs.) So joining one and having five clubs will definitely ensnare me into conflicts. (I have an org meeting in science and math club every mondays, mission club activities every wednesdays, bible club on fridays plus i also train succeeding volleyball varsities every tuesdays and thursdays.) oh well, i hold major positions on all my clubs so i really have to be in meetings and affairs. also add that i lead the whole elementary holy rosary on air everyday at exactly 1 pm which makes me want to split my body into three so i could work in the mission office, in the administration, and at the same time rest in the clinic. what the heck, have i mentioned that I don't want dealing with deadlines and those Leaf staff coordinators?
even if i unleash the monster in me and outburst in rage whenever i get bitchy and infuriated, it's not enough. i need an outlet to still ejaculate the excess anger because if I will not pour my wrath here, i may explode like a hot balloon. thanks to this blog . i will be 20% less violent . kidding!
i have really infinitely many stories to share to everyone. i don't give a damn whether it's crappy, arrogant, bitchy or redundant.
my beliefs, views and sentiments were something I won't leave unheard. also expect raves or rants about a certain subject to gush like a cascade. i love doing this.
i have reached a new level of narcissism and need a new means to be able to talk about myself. im beginning to appreciate everything more, including myself.
maybe i should try posting my wish-lists so well-off readers can donate. hahaha!
i need to exhibit a lot about my personality which are obscure in the eyes of most people and obliterate the notions that i am such a cold-hearted, merciless, critical, life-threatening and tyrannic woman to everyone .
i have insomnia.
i am dramatic and pathetic. this will be my shock absorber of crazy and distressful thoughts and even shitloads of little emotional baggages.
i want to have my own space in the net.
et cetera et cetera et cetera.

and the reasons stated above conceived this blog.

why brendaism

i'm sure the first thing that will pop in that mind of yours are religions like hinduism, taoism or buddhism and you'll assume i'm making my own religion where i am the goddess . hell no! sure, ism may mean doctrine or creed but it may also mean ideology, beliefs, philosophy, or principles . and that's what this blog is all about. my ideologies, beliefs, philosophies and principles . and who am i? brenda . so adding brenda and ism will lead into a compound coined as brendaism .

uh-oh .

i believe you know this is a personal blog so expect human expressions(ok so let me get it straight - foul words or something) flowing. I really can't help it since my typing fingers are slaves of my bitchy brain. and never try to forget that when i blog, i don't have rules. i don't care whether i'm getting redundant or i'm using my own invented words, wrong grammar, street languages or anything. this is my space so you get the idea.

the site's look and feel

forgive me for the simplicity of my blog skin . i like it this way . plain, simple but bursting in color . but i might consider tweaking this or making a new layout IF i'm blessed with patience and perseverance .

this weblog is best viewed on an 800x600 pixels resolution .